Thursday, January 22, 2015

F*** Me

Of course.
Of fucking course.

So during my pregnancy, my husband and I both tested negative for the mutation of Quinn's cancer. WOOHOO, we thought. HOORAY!!!! we thought.

Come to find out.
That's a damn lie.

Our baby girl was born 11/12/2014, and she's had some issues. But she's been good. Nothing horrible. Nothing bad. Just some bumps. But then it happened.

That stupid cats eye reflex.
That stupid yellow/white/pinky colored pupil that glares us in the face, and makes my heart drop into the pit of my stomach.
I swear I could throw up at the thought of that image. Of the thought of her having it. Of the fact I freaking saw it. AGAIN!!

I was taking a video of my husband holding her, and it was there. Occasionally when she was at a different angle it would be red. I hope to god that it's a fluke. That my camera, and my husband's camera just screws up her eyes. That we are just lucky enough to see it occasionally. But my heart is telling me that's not the case...

Ironically enough we were seeing Quinn's oncologist today. Which, by the way, he's freaking PERFECT! However, we decided to bring our concerns up to the doctor because we hadn't had much luck getting a hold of the pediatrician. She looked at my pictures, and videos. She decided to immediately call our pediatrician, and get her attention. She called the pediatrician to see what she wanted to do next. So the pediatrician called the opthalmologist, and ordered a referral STAT. The ophalmologist called us this afternoon, and we have an appointment Monday. Everyone working so quickly kind of makes me nervous.

Both my husband and I just think.
We think she has it.
Her eyes have always seemed a bit off.
I'm so scared.

 I don't want to do this again....

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