I'm so hectic all the time, and kind of melted into my own bubble.
Anyways, things have been..interesting? His numbers dropped significantly for a while. We started out this session of chemo with a 960. Which is the lowest we've done since the beginning of all of this. This scares me a bit. Especially since, for some reason, this time after getting his eyes lasered he was not interested in waking up. He didn't want to eat, drink - nothing. He wanted to sleep. Honestly, it kind of felt like he was just "giving up."
His appetite still isn't there.
He's sleeping all the time.
He's agitated when he's not asleep.
I think in total today, he's had about 15-ish ounces of liquid(formula and pedialyte). No interest in dinner, or lunch. Every bite I'd give him, he'd spit out. It concerns me. This is not normal. The last 3 times he's not done this. I don't understand. I'm concerned. But the doctors aren't. It kind of makes me want to push it aside because they don't show anything.
Here's some pictures from today/yesterday.
He looks better than he is, aside from being pale.
|He was infatuated with chewing on his IV. Which is not fun. He had a bath too. :)|
|Not wanting to get up from anesthesia.|
|His little car mommy and daddy bought him. :)|
|Big Sister pushing him in his adorable car.|
|Waiting at the doctors office.|
Why don't I feel better?
I don't understand why I'm not feeling better. Jumping for joy. I'm upset about life. I don't like going through this, and will never understand it. We're also getting his prosthesis next week. That's a great thing. But I'm scared.
All this moving forward scares me.
How am I going to be able to function once all this is done?
6 months of our lives will be owned by this.
I'm not sure what to say, really. I feel as though I'm not acting the way I'm "supposed" to.
He's not eating.
He's not really drinking.
What will I do once his IV is no longer there?
When will this fear go away?