Thursday, April 11, 2013

Chemo 3 out of 6!

I feel like the biggest jerk in the world right now.

But let's start with the vast amount of updates I need to do.

Quinn has been doing amazing this time around. I mean absolutely phenomenal. He's not been throwing up, or having weight problems. Everything was leveling out. It was like I had my baby back again. Like he was finally my normal baby. Do you know how great that feels?
Ever since all of this started I've felt like it wasn't my baby anymore. Like it was someone else's baby. Like he was replaced. He was more agitated, fussy, upset, bothered, and easily unhappy. It was not pleasant. So when he finally started acting like himself - I was enthralled. I've been enthralled.

Sitting in the Dr's office, waiting to get out of there! 

Over the past month, he's started trying to crawl, he sits up almost completely steadily, he has gotten two teeth, and he does not stop babbling! Can you believe that? All of this in just one month! Even chemo cannot keep my baby down. He's also started growing his hair back in the area where he was going bald. Although his hair is extremely thin still.

Quinn is also in a contest for the local newspaper, which I've been wanting votes from everyone. He's gone from 51st to 7th in the process of a couple weeks or so. I'm hoping he can win! But we'll see. The winner gets a free photoshoot, and a posting in the newspaper. Although, we've found out that the Northern Nevada Children's Cancer Foundation might be able to get us into the news as well. Which would be AWESOME! :)
Anyways, here's the link. If you want to vote, vote. If not, well, poo on you. Haha.
Vote for Quinn!

Now to current.
He got his eye exam today. His left tumors are amazing. One of them, as I think I've mentioned before, seems to be completely gone. The other one shrunk by 30% last time, and now has shrunk another 20%. So that's definitely doing good things! It's working! His eye is DEFINITELY going to be saved. He will not have to have another eye removed.
Before his anesthesia. Waiting to be taken back. HUNGRY! :)

Waking up from anesthesia

He also is about to start his third chemotherapy treatment, hopefully within the next couple hours. Not fun, but definitely needed. As long as he remains the way he's been, I'll be happy. I'd hate to see him revert to how it was.

For the reason I feel like I'm a jerk. This time around we are being paired with another child who is undergoing chemotherapy for retinoblastoma. The difference? This child didn't have to lose an eye, and is about a year older. So, this momma, right here, feels extremely bitter. Extremely. It's like a punch in the face that there's people out there who go through this and don't lose their eyes. Which just drags me back to - why did MY baby have to lose his eye? Why did HE have to get this? It's so ridiculous. He's so amazing. Why did such an awesome individual have to have something so horrible? Ugh..

I'm a bad person.
I wish my feelings were considered.
I feel selfish.

1 comment:

  1. Hey mamma

    I cannot imagine what you are going through. Don't feel like a jerk. I imagine if it were me, I would resent that other family. I might have even asked to not be paired with them. I think your feelings are normal. And I think once - touch wood- all physical aspect of Quinn's cancer are healed and the tumors are gone you should seek therapy to resolve these feelings so you can help Quinn accept himself and so that you can accept the new situation and then make it a good a reference point...if you survived this you can survive anything...